The Band Nerd Tales
by anonymous band nerd
Summary: Band nerds on a quest!! They shall tell stories to amuse eachother!! Please read and review!!!
1. Prologue

Come my friends, come near to me  
  
That I might tell of the journey  
  
To the magnificent Magical Mountain,  
  
Where fun flows as from a fountain.  
  
Thirty was the number of our troupe;  
  
You could not have found a zanier group.  
  
We all were crammed in a big yellow bus.  
  
It smelled so bad that we made quite a fuss,  
  
So our band director, so eloquent and true,  
  
Took one whiff of the stench and said "Ew."  
  
We all decided that to keep our minds off the smell,  
  
Each of us along the way, several tales would tell.  
  
I shall describe all the band nerds as quickly as I may,  
  
For to describe them in depth would take all day.  
  
I shall start with Mr. Zalkind, our director.  
  
When he would loose his temper,  
  
His veins would pop out of his forehead.  
  
His blood pressure was so high, it's a wonder he's not dead.  
  
Nevertheless, he was a fine fellow,  
  
And he played a silver trumpet, rich and mellow.  
  
Then came young Stephanie, who liked to write  
  
Scripts for the "Silver Screen" bright.  
  
She loved both band and volleyball,  
  
She was slightly over five feet tall.  
  
She had the strangest sense of humor.  
  
Her hair was blonde; her eyes were bluer  
  
Than a cloudless sky. She was both clever and kind,  
  
Always ready to help if you were in a bind,  
  
And though she would never boastfully tell,  
  
She played the clarinet quite well.  
  
Of all the band nerds, she was best,  
  
Though she was crazier than the rest.  
  
She traveled with her husband Chris  
  
And his brother Ryan, both of whom she would often diss,  
  
But she was always a faithful wife,  
  
And among the three there was little strife.  
  
Chris and Ryan were close brothers,  
  
And between them came no others.  
  
Chris played clarinet  
  
And Ryan played trumpet.  
  
They made such team; driving big trucks  
  
And making big bucks,  
  
That young Stephanie would spend gladly  
  
(Let no one ever tell you that Sanitation Engineers get paid badly).  
  
Next came our beloved drum major Jeremy,  
  
A fine musician and leader was he.  
  
He was quite skilled on the clarinet,  
  
But a person more cynical you have never met.  
  
His height well exceeded six feet,  
  
And at times he seemed immune to heat.  
  
With also came a troupe of performers, who loved to roam,  
  
They had no desire for a place to call home.  
  
First came "Crazy Dave," or so he was dubbed;  
  
He often juggled with many a ball or juggling club;  
  
His face was home to a bushy red beard;  
  
He played an accordion and was often called weird.  
  
Then came Brad, who played the trumpet very skillfully,  
  
But never would he brag conceitedly.  
  
He was a most amiable fellow,  
  
His eyes were blue; his shirt was yellow.  
  
After him came Bill with flowing golden hair,  
  
With a tie-dye shirt he proudly did wear.  
  
What he would juggle rarely fell,  
  
And he played the bassoon very well.  
  
Lastly came Brendan who always appeared to be high.  
  
Nevertheless, he was very friendly and was never shy.  
  
He could juggle and play the bagpipes and clarinet,  
  
He was an excellent chap who never did fret.  
  
Then there came another Jeremy, who thought he was a poet  
  
And he wanted everyone to know it,  
  
But whenever his work was read, he would be told, "Don't quit the day job."  
  
(Little did anyone know that during the day he would sometimes rob  
  
Banks and then on a bicycle from the scene of the crime flee)  
  
But he could play the bassoon fairly decently.  
  
With us also were Sandy and Allison, sisters dear,  
  
But they did not always get along very well I fear.  
  
With them came Eunice, full of quiet grace;  
  
She was good to all regardless of race.  
  
There also was Holly who never would pout.  
  
All four of the girls were good and devout.  
  
Ashley and Lara with us also traveled,  
  
Their friendship could never be unraveled.  
  
They both loved sports with a passion,  
  
And had an excellent sense of fashion.  
  
Ashley had blonde hair and blue eyes  
  
And from her mouth never came any lies.  
  
Lara's eyes and hair were deep brown  
  
And rarely did she or Ashley frown.  
  
Their minds were sharp; their wits were fast,  
  
To be with them was such a blast.  
  
Then came Gwyn, most rude and unkind,  
  
A more sour person never will find.  
  
A scowl perpetually seemed to furrow her flawless brow;  
  
She could have been beautiful if she only knew how  
  
To laugh and smile like a bright summer day.  
  
She always wanted everything done her way,  
  
She was as stubborn as a mule;  
  
She was often insulting and cruel  
  
Even to her husband, who she claimed to love.  
  
Her husband Erik was like a dove,  
  
Small and gentle, good and kind.  
  
One more chivalrous would be hard to find.  
  
In silence he endured his wife's carping way,  
  
And he earnestly awaited the day  
  
When he could throw off her confining yoke  
  
And stay with more pleasant folk.  
  
Next came Four travelers most dear to me,  
  
Sweet Melissa who we all called "Dickie,"  
  
She was a flute player from Delaware,  
  
She had blue eyes and short blonde hair.  
  
Also Chelsi, the eccentric oboe player,  
  
She who had so many layers;  
  
She was innocent yet corrupt, kind yet cruel,  
  
An absolute genius, a complete fool.  
  
Dearest Stacey, so quick to laugh, so slow to scowl,  
  
Never would she say anything foul.  
  
Lastly, good ol' Brian Mayer,  
  
A sweet yet crazy French horn player.  
  
Then came Sam the excellent and praiseworthy pimp,  
  
He played the tuba, and thus was no wimp.  
  
With him came another tuba player, Trevor was his name.  
  
He took nothing seriously; to him, everything was a game.  
  
Another three also came with us.  
  
Kevin, so quick to make a fuss  
  
He was so short, so quirky.  
  
Greg, he was such a turkey,  
  
So sweet, so peculiar.  
  
Then Michael, who often would mar  
  
Clever words with his strange wit.  
  
His nickname was Bob, and it certainly fit.  
  
Lastly came two mimes from Brugge who never spoke a word,  
  
What their names were, I never heard. 


	2. Stephanie's Tale

Stephanie's Prologue  
  
Young Stephanie boldly spoke up and said,  
  
"Please let me tell a tale from my head."  
  
"By all means," Mr. Zalkind replied  
  
"Tell us your tale as we ride  
  
In this foul smelling bus, and  
  
should you be interrupted by any lad,  
  
You may immediately slap him on the head and call him a cad."  
  
An evil grin crossed Stephanie's face,  
  
But she began her tale in a manner sedate.  
  
  
  
  
  
Stephanie's Tale  
  
  
  
It happened long ago in a land far away  
  
That a certain king held a tournament in May.  
  
Knights would come from near and far  
  
To show off their skills and to spar  
  
For riches and honor, if so did the choose,  
  
But sadly many of them preferred booze.  
  
These "noble knights" were gluttons and drunkards,  
  
In no way worthy to be in the songs of bards.  
  
But there was one who did good and right,  
  
He defended justice with all his might.  
  
Sir Edward of Henabra was his name.  
  
Now it happened shortly after he came  
  
That he saw a young girl assaulted a drunken knight,  
  
So Sir Edward, who always did right,  
  
Saved the poor girl from a horrible fate,  
  
And on her every need did he wait.  
  
He gave the best food and wine  
  
And clothed her in garments as fine  
  
As he could afford to buy,  
  
And when the girl asked him why  
  
Such kindness did he to her offer  
  
When she was a penniless pauper,  
  
He replied, "Madam, I know that you cannot repay  
  
All that I have done for you this day,  
  
But I seek wealth and riches not,  
  
For they shall wither away and rot.  
  
I wish only to do what is just,  
  
For such a true knight must."  
  
On hearing his words, the girl replied,  
  
"Sir, without you, I would have died.  
  
In a year you will receive a reward,  
  
From the hand of a great and noble lord."  
  
And after these words, she turned and went out of the door,  
  
And the noble knight saw her no more.  
  
  
  
  
  
Interruption of Stephanie's Tale  
  
"An excellent tale, my dear wife,"  
  
Chris exclaimed, "You are the love of my life!"  
  
Stephanie swiftly smote Chris on the head and cried out, "Shut up you cad!"  
  
Ryan, defending his brother, said, "leave him alone, he didn't do anything bad!"  
  
Mr. Zalkind quickly spoke up, "Please, Stephanie, start again from where you stopped."  
  
Stephanie glared at Chris and Ryan and then began where she had left off.  
  
  
  
  
  
Conclusion of Stephanie's Tale  
  
After the passing of a year,  
  
Knights once again came to the king's city from far and near,  
  
For the king's great tournament, which to be exceptionally great  
  
(Or so it was rumored at any rate).  
  
This year it was said that a great sorcerer lord would come,  
  
Though no one knew where he was from.  
  
And indeed the rumors were true,  
  
The sorcerer came On a day when the sky was blue.  
  
He rode in a great coach of solid gold,  
  
Encrusted with many a diamond, sapphire, and emerald.  
  
The interior was of silk, the color of fire,  
  
And it was pulled by winged horses that never did tire.  
  
From the coach the sorcerer did came  
  
With his daughter, the fairest of maid.  
  
The sorcerer called out, "Where is Sir Edward that noble knight?  
  
Where is he that always does right?"  
  
Sir Edward stepped forward and said, "Here I am."  
  
The sorcerer turned to him and said, "To you I give my daughter, Miriam.  
  
For a year ago you proved yourself worthy in every way  
  
And so you shall marry her this day."  
  
Then Sir Edward saw that Miriam was the young maid he had saved.  
  
So they were wed and in joy eternal, Sir Edward was bathed. 


End file.
